Christmas Quotes

"The only person in history who was able to choose where to be born, chose a stable."

"Caveat Retailus: Shopper Beware!"

At a nativity play, all was going well until the angel appeared and told the little girl playing mary that she was going to have a baby,
 "But how can that be," said Mary, "Since I am a Viking?"

" A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks, By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly."

"When I was a child, I was so fat I was the one chosen to play Bethlehem in the school Nativity play."

Nazareth: A man from Nazareth was despised in Jesus' day. It was an obscure town from which no good was thought to come, situated in "Galilee of the Gentiles". The Roman garrison in charge of Gallilee was housed there. The people of Nazareth had constant contact with people from far away so that news reached them quickly. The people of Nazareth had an attitude of independence that many Jews despised.
Nathaniel commented, "Nazareth! Can any thing good come from there?"

"Who likes a party?" Presents are wrapped in paper printed with creative designs. The wrapping paper is not meant to sit in a cupboard out of sight but be on display covering the gift inside. As the gift is opened the paper is torn...
Jesus the baby, wrapped in a manger
Jesus on the cross- the Saviour torn for our sins so that the best gift, salvation is opened and available to all.
What a party! Will you be there?

Political correct "holiday"songs

+ I'm dreaming of a Many-Hued Winter Season.
+ Oh, Come All Ye Faithful, Agnostics and Athiests.
+ Frosty the Snowperson of an Indistinguishable Gender.
+ I  Saw My Parent/Step Parent/Guardian/Caretaker Kissing Santa Claus.
+ Rudolf , the Reindeer with the Facial  Appendage of a Different Colour.
+ Little Drummer Person.
+ Supreme  Being of Your Choice Rest Ye Merry Gentlepeople.
+ We wish you a Merry December.

  Mark Steyn










 

Christmas Cracker Jokes

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis.

What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
Chris Kringle.

How do monkeys make toast?
Stick some bread under the gorilla.

The real christmas story (kinda), on facebook

You should check out this very creative Christmas story  ( by Derek Tang) as it might have appeared on Facebook.
Facebook Christmas  http://whyismarko.com/2011/the-real-christmas-story-kinda-on-facebook/

Post by Thrive Church.

Christmas Quotes

John Ellis of Paris, Maine writes: “A recent choral concert ended with a sing-along. The song sheet instructed the audience to sing ‘Silent night, holy night, all is clam, all is bright’."

Christmas comes but once a year. Which is just as well.
source unknown
 

Seen on a church bulletin board.
“Beat the Christmas rush. Go to church THIS week.

Christmas Quotes

Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ. - Bart Simpson, The Simpsons

Christmas is the Christian's Christmas present to everyone else. Christmas, for a Christian, tells us why people matter.  Dr Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury

Xmas, n: Popular festival made to sound like a skin disease. Mike Barfield

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas- the birth of Santa? Bart Simpson, The Simpsons

The lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. Garrison Keillor

Christmas is about a child, and for children: like parenthood, if you don't throw yourself into it body and soul you will have a wretched time. Amanda Craig

Nativity Plays

At a nativity play, all was going well until the angel appeared and told the little girl playing Mary that she was going to have a baby.

“But how can this be,” said Mary, “since I am a Viking?”

Free Nativity Play

Christmas Skit

Christmas Plays

Christmas Around the World Drama

Christmas is Coming PDF booklet

Nativity Play

Open House Nativity Play

Politically Correct Holiday Greetings

Politically Correct Holiday Greetings

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an
environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive,
gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within
the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular
practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular
persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice
religious or secular traditions at all;"

In addition........

"A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated
recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year, but not
without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose
contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that
America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only
"AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race,
creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer
platform, or sexual orientation of the wisher."


(Disclaimer: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms.
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely
transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no
promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for
her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is
revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to
perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a
period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting,
whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish
or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher who assumes
no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings
may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.)

Christmas-1st Corinthians 13 Style

Christmas-1st Corinthians 13 Style

• If I decorate my house perfectly with bows,strands of twinkling lights and shiny baubles, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another decorator.

• If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas biscuits, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtimes, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another cook.

•  If I decorate the Christmas tree with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir's cantata but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.

• Love stops the cooking to hug the child.

• Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband or wife.

• Love is kind, though harried and tired.

•  Love doesn't envy another's home that has co-ordinated Christmas china and table cloths.

•  Love doesn't yell at the children to get out of the way.

• Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return but rejoices in giving to those who can't.

• Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
  

• Love never fails. Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust.

But giving the gift of God's love will endure.

Pilgrims Christmas Prayer

Pilgrims Prayer
May the Babe of Bethlehem be yours to tend
May the Boy of Nazareth be yours for friend
May the Man of Galilee his healing send
May the Christ of Calvary his courage lend
May the risen Lord his presence send
And his holy angels defend you to the end.

Prayer of preparation

Lord Jesus, master of both the light and the darkness, send your Holy Spirit upon our preparations for Christmas. We who have so much to do seek quiet spaces to hear your voice each day. We who are anxious over many things look forward to your coming among us. We who are blessed in so many ways long for the complete joy of your kingdom. We whose hearts are heavy seek the joy of your presence. We are your people, walking in darkness, yet seeking the light. To you we say, "Come Lord Jesus!"

Henri J. M. Nouwen
Nouwen Centre

Galilee Star News

NAZARETH - JERUSALEM - CAPERNAUM - BETHLEHEM
The news that might have been...

Cost blowout on government census

The census called be Caesar Augustus for the entire Roman
world, the first under the governorship of Quirinius in Syria,
is facing a huge cost blowout.

Each person had been requested to return to their own town
for the census. The cost of compensation claims alone is
almost certain to cause an increase in taxes.

See the Gospels of Luke (2:1-7) and Matthew (2:1-23)
for the full story.

Star "not Halley's comet" says expert
The sightings of a new star over the Bethlehem sky
recently has baffled stargazers and astronomers alike.
Some reports of it being an unscheduled sighting of
Halley's comet have been denied by experts.
A government spokesman refused to comment.

Eastern Mystics Customs Check

A number of Magi from the East,who had come to Jerusalem
to visit a so-called 'king', were questioned strongly by
government officials today over a number of unregistered
gifts and treasures, including gold, incense and myrrh.

The Magi were being sought be officials after eluding a
command to report to King Herod about the whereabouts
of the 'child king'.

Reports to hand indicate that the Magi found the child by
following the path of a star. When they entered the house
where the child was staying , it is said that they bowed
before the infant and worshiped him.

A spokesman for King Herod said that the actions of the
were inappropriate and distasteful in the extreme,
and that the gifts themselves were more in keeping
with those of a real king instead of some imposter child.

See the Gospel of Matthew 2:1-16 for the full story.

The Shoppers Prayer

The Shoppers Prayer--

Our cash
Which art on plastic
Hollowed be thy name
Thy Cartier watch
Thy Prada bag
Online
As it is in store
Give us each day our Platinum Visa
And forgive those that stop us spending
And lead us not unto Louis Vuitton
For thine is the Gucci
The Dior and the Armani
For Chanel No.5 and Eternity

AMEX

Give Christmas Away

"Let me not wrap, stack, box, bag, tie, tag, bundle, seal, keep Christmas.
Christmas kept is liable to mold.
Let me give Christmas away, unwrapped, by exuberant armfuls.
Let me share, dance, live Christmas unpretentiously, merrily, responsibly with overflowing hands, tireless steps and sparkling eyes.
Christmas given away will stay fresh—even until it comes again."


(author unknown)

Christmas Quote

“When I was a child, I was so fat I was the one chosen to play Bethlehem in the school Nativity play.”